I treat every unread text like a jury summons, so naturally I am obsessed with funny text messages from people who clearly do not. Some of us overthink the reply, and others send it eleven times.
Honestly, that dad is the most reliable man I have ever texted, and I have dated a lot of men named Tyler. Everyone below is significantly less dependable.
Geography was not on the syllabus.
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A résumé, but for flirting.
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Pamela dodged something.
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Twenty seconds of fame, one boyfriend, zero millions.
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So (characteristic) of her to reach out.
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Interest rates have never been this low.
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Grandpa said what he said.
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Gracious in defeat, technically.
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Wrong week to be a Family Guy fan.
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Smoothest recovery in UK texting history.
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The color key is doing a lot of heavy lifting.
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Np is the coldest reply in the English language.
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My favorite kind of person is the one who sends something wildly personal and then types wrong person like it is a legal defense. Wrong number texts are the closest thing we have to reality TV with no producers, and I scroll them with my hand over my mouth. I once sent my landlord a voice memo meant for my therapist. He renewed my lease anyway, which says more about him than me.
Then there are the dating app fails, where a man opens with a screenshot of his bank balance and acts shocked when it does not land. I respect the confidence, I just do not want it anywhere near me. The most awkward text messages, though, belong to the people who get rejected and immediately announce they were joking the whole time. Nobody has ever been seriously joking, Kevin.
We screenshot these because a text is the only place where people embarrass themselves in writing, with a timestamp. Mine was a heart emoji sent to my boss, and I still think about it in the shower. Every one of us has a message we would pay real money to unsend, so reading other people’s is a way of forgiving ourselves, or at least feeling taller for a minute.
The thumbs are fast. The regret is faster. The screenshot is forever.
Still not done cringing? Cringe Texts Have the Confidence of a Rocket Launch and the Landing of a Shopping Cart in the Wind is exactly what it sounds like, and 25 Funny Wrong Number Text Fails That Turned Strangers Into Main Characters has even more misfires. Check your recipient first.
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