Funny

God Creating Animals: 21 Hilarious Tweets on the Origins of the Animal Kingdom

Roy R. Jan 24, 2024 07:00 PM EST

God Creating Animals

Prepare for a celestial sojourn into the divine tapestry of laughter, where 21 heavenly tweets unveil God's whimsically humorous side during the creation of animals. Join us as we transcend earthly bounds and witness the divine comedy that unfolded during the crafting of our beloved creatures.

Embark on a whimsical journey through 21 tweets that reimagine the creation of animals through the lens of divine satire. In this celestial collection, we present a divine stand-up routine, with God as the masterful comedian crafting the animal kingdom with a touch of heavenly hilarity.

God Creating Animals Unicorn: why can't you create me again? God: no one's gonna believe a horse has a horn. Unicorn: oh. God: it's just too ridiculous. Unicorn: I guess you're right. [Rhinoceros walks by] Unicorn: God: a hippo with a horn is totally different. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're gonna be beautiful you're entire life. Butterfly: that's right I better be. God: [to Angel] | don't like his attitude let's make him an ugly hairy worm for half his life. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a stingray. Stingray: what does that mean? God: it means you have a stinger. Stingray: like a bee? God: yes! Stingray: omg I'm a waterbee! God: no that's not what I me- Stingray: buzz buzz bubble bubble :) — Save

God Creating Animals God: you lay eggs. Platypus: like a reptile? God: yes but you aren't a reptile. Platypus: oh. God: and you're venomous. Platypus: [happy gasp] like a reptile? God: you aren't a reptile. Platypus: ok I understand. God: you do? Platypus: I have a reptile dysfunction: — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're the world's smartest bird. Raven: wow. I thought it was Owl. God: actually Owl's kind of dumb. Raven: really? God: watch this, hey Owl do you say who or whom when you refer to the object of a verb or preposition? Owl: who. God: lol see? Raven: so dumb. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a mermaid. Mermaid: what does that mean? God: you're part women and part fish. Mermaid: what am I supposed to wear? God: seashells. Mermaid: ok but what if they don't fit? God: try a shells, b shells or d shells. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a spider. Spider: what does that mean? God: well you can climb, jump, and shoot webs. Spider: like Spider-Man? God: no that's- Spider: i'm gonna protect my neighborhood so hard :) God: Spider: [determined whisper] with great power comes great responsibility. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a human. Human: what does that mean? God: you will be a kind, socially conscious people. Human: aw yay! God: and most of you will care about the world and those around you. Human: and the small few who don't? God: will be very loud. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a sloth. Sloth: what does that mean? God: you do things very slowly. Sloth: like what? God: Sloth: God: Sloth: God: Sloth: God: [under breath] like respond to my dinner party invite. Sloth: wow ok there it is. I told you I needed to check my calendar first. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a horse. Horse: ok. God: you wear shoes. Horse: why? God: to protect your feet. Horse: makes sense. God: but watch out cause the humans think they're lucky. Horse: t-they want my shoes for luck? God: could be worse. Horse: how? Rabbit: you don't wanna know. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a moth. Moth: nice! God: you're really into light. Moth: cool. God: any questions? Moth: nope. [later] Jesus: I am the light of the-uh hi. Moth: [blushing] hi. — Save

God Creating Animals Gorilla: so I'm 500 pounds. God: yes. Gorilla: I have no natural enemies. God: correct. Gorilla: 1 literally live here. God: yep. Gorilla: and I'm not the King of the Jungle? God: exactly. Gorilla: who is? God: it's kind of hard to explain- Lion: d-did you tell him yet? — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a honey badger. Honey Badger: and I have thick skin? God: yep, nothing can hurt you. Honey Badger: bees? God: no. Honey Badger: snakes? God: no. Honey Badger: words? God: only if you let them. Honey Badger: [determined whisper] words will never hurt me. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a cat. Cat: I wanna be fast. God: ok. Cat: and agile. God: sure. Cat: and an excellent climber. God: done. Cat: so I have no weaknesses? God: none. Cat: [evil laugh] purrfect. God: on second thought... [later] Cat: [stuck in a tree] you gotta be kitten me. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a brown bear. Brown Bear: why am I here? God: I made you. Brown Bear: really? God: yes! Brown Bear: have you made any other bears? God: no but polar, grizzly, panda and black bear are coming soon. Brown Bear: [happy gasp] i'm the very first Build-A-Bear! — Save

God Creating Animals God: you have terrible eyesight. Bat: oh no! God: don't worry l've got a pretty great solution for you. Bat: yay! God: you scream into a void, fly in that direction and then try not to crash into a wall. Bat: God: Bat: I thought you were gonna say glasses or something. — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're an ant. Ant: what does that mean? God: you're very small but very strong. Ant: can I lift a car? God: no. Ant: can I lift a house? God: [sigh] no. Ant: can I lift your spirits when you're feeling down? God: aww yes. Ant: i'm strongest when i'm needed most :) — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a beetle. Beetle: omg which one? God: uh-what? Beetle: John, Paul, George or Ringo? God: no that's not what I me- Beetle: I got Paul! who are you? God: [taking Buzzfeed's Which Beatle are you quiz] dang I'm Pete Best : ( — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a cow. Cow: ok. God: you're baby is a calf. Cow: ask me why I'm tired after giving birth. God: w-what? Cow: ask me why I'm tired after giving birth. God: why are you tired after giving birth? Cow: i'm decalfeinated: God: Cow: someone's laughtose intolerant — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a cephalopod. Octopus: what does that mean? God: you have eight arms. Octopus: and camouflage and venom! God: what-no. Octopus: can we vote on it? God: ok. Octopus: 8 to 2 | win: ) God: [sigh] never doing that again. [later] God: you're a snake. Snake: — Save

God Creating Animals God: you're a dog. Dog: pat my head! God: [pats head] Dog: rub my belly! God: [rubs belly] Dog: ok what were you saying? God: you're a good boy. Dog: [tail wag] God: but the humans need you now. Dog: [rests head on God's knee] will | be their best friend? God: forever. — Save

Congratulations, celestial explorer! Your journey through this divine tapestry has been filled with laughter as you witnessed God's humorous take on animal creation. As you reflect on these tweets, the blend of divine imagination and earthly humor leaves you marveling at the whimsical intricacies of the animal kingdom.

Eager for more divine comedy? Explore our extensive collection of tweets capturing God's humorous moments in various creations. The heavenly laughter continues, inviting you to delve deeper into the celestial stand-up that unveils the lighter side of divine artistry.

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Posted by Roy R. About the author

Roy has been one of the internet's meme tastemakers for more than a decade. He and Phil started Thunder Dungeon in 2012 by posting the stuff they found funny, and it grew into viral photo and video creations, one of the largest meme community apps and one of the best sites for daily meme content. If you've spent any time online, you've probably laughed at one of his memes.