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My Eyes Have Been Lying to Me for Years, and Forbidden Foods Are the Receipts

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I once bit into a decorative wax apple in a dentist’s waiting room, and I want you to know I committed. Full chomp. That is why forbidden foods hit me so hard: these are the things that look delicious and absolutely are not, the brownies that are dirt and the ice cream that is drywall repair. Your brain sees a snack and sends your hand out before anybody checks the paperwork. Consider this gallery a training course for your eyeballs, and please do not lick the screen.

Tray of seedlings in soil cubes that look like brownie squares with mint garnish

Garden brownies, now with real dirt.

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Orange cat curled up inside a metal loaf pan next to potted plants

Fresh baked, refuses to be sliced.

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Bowl of ancient clay tablets with carved writing that look like crunchy crackers

Artisan crackers, aged four thousand years.

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Jar of orange foam earplugs labeled Not Cheese Puffs held over a stage

The label exists because someone tried.

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Yellow python curled around a bowl of bananas, blending right in with the fruit

That's not a banana, that's a lifestyle change.

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Cluster of shiny orange mushrooms on a log that look like glazed pastries

Glazed, gorgeous, and absolutely not brunch.

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Rusty metal pole on a city sidewalk that looks just like a kebab spit

Street food, heavy emphasis on street.

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School glue in a ketchup style bottle next to ketchup in a glue style bottle

Somebody's lunch is about to get very sticky.

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Dirty clumps of snow with black specks that look like cookies and cream ice cream

Cookies and cream, hold the cookies, hold the cream.

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Row of fuzzy paint roller covers on a tray that look like frosted pastries

Fluffy rolls, fresh from the hardware store.

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Glass drink dispenser full of purple lens cleaner labeled do not drink

Grape punch for robots.

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Man pointing at a striped rock in a dry riverbed that looks like bacon

Crispy, if your teeth are made of steel.

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Pink and gray cockatoo perched inside an ice cream cone like a scoop of sorbet

One scoop of strawberry, very judgmental.

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Box of tan rubber bands that look exactly like dry fettuccine pasta

Al dente forever.

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Round yellow and orange tomato frog sitting in a dish like a glazed dessert

Pudding that blinks.

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Bottles of leather care gel on a store shelf that look like barbecue sauce

Pairs beautifully with your dashboard.

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Stack of round cork coasters on a tray that look like chocolate chip cookies

Office party snack, technically.

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Field of white wrapped hay bales that look like giant marshmallows

S'mores for giants.

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Bottle of mayo style hair treatment sitting in a fridge next to real condiments

Sandwich spread or conditioner? Roll the dice.

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Hand holding a triangle rock with yellow lichen that looks like a slice of pizza

Stone baked, literally.

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Four photos of an orange cat licking a bar of soap and recoiling in disgust

Lesson learned in four frames.

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Glass of yellow paint water beside paintbrushes and acrylic bottles, looking like orange juice

Every artist's nightmare sip.

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Freshly cut tree stump with green rings and a brown center that looks like an avocado

Guacamole for one very large lumberjack.

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Hand holding a huge pale snail in its shell that looks like soft serve in a cone

Soft serve that serves itself.

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Round stone with a split layer that looks like a giant macaron or burger bun

The world's crunchiest macaron.

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Glossy brown chunk on a bamboo cutting board beside a knife that looks like a brownie

Never trust a brownie that sweats.

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Hand holding a black and white rock that looks like an ice cream sandwich

Never melts, never tastes good.

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Tub of pink spackling with a putty knife that looks like scooped strawberry ice cream

Two scoops of drywall repair.

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Hand holding a small jar of glossy brown paste that looks like chocolate pudding

Trust nothing in a tiny jar.

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Orange silicone earplugs that look like gummy candies next to their package

Gummy bears for your ears.

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Forbidden foods

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Nature is running a long con, and I respect the hustle. Rocks out there are dressing up as pizza slices and sandwich cookies like they have somewhere to be, and a tree stump has the nerve to look like a ripe avocado. Food illusions like these feel personal, because I have trusted the outdoors my whole life and now I find out the creek bed is basically a bakery display.

Then there is the stuff inside the house, which is worse because it has a label. School glue in a ketchup bottle, rubber bands posing as pasta, leather care gel that looks like the barbecue sauce I would grab without reading. Fake food out in the wild is a nuisance. Fake food sitting next to the real food in your fridge is a trap with a lid.

And sometimes the forbidden snack is alive. A tomato frog sitting in a dish like dessert, a pink parrot perched in a waffle cone, a giant snail in someone’s hand like soft serve with ambitions. I have never wanted to apologize to a bird before today. Things that look like food should come with a tiny sign, and in a few cases that sign should say please do not eat my pet.

What makes this so funny is how fast the brain commits. You see orange cylinders in a jar and your mouth is already filing the paperwork for cheese puffs. The eyes are the most trusted employee in your whole operation, and they are also the one who keeps letting strangers into the building. I have made my peace with this, and I now squint at every brownie like a customs agent.

People share these because everybody has a near miss. The cup of paint water next to the art supplies, the bar of soap that smelled like dessert, the glass of something yellow you assumed was juice. These pictures say you are not alone in almost eating a candle. We are all just hungry animals with good intentions and terrible depth perception.

Smell it first. Read the label. Put down the spackle.

Still hungry? Brave soul. Check out our weird food gallery, a stack of cursed food that should require a permit, and some pareidolia memes for people who see faces in their toast. We have plenty of food fails, optical illusions, and kitchen disasters in the archives too. Snack responsibly. Ideally on something edible.

Who needs to see this?

Send it to the friend who’ll laugh the hardest, or post it for everyone.

Posted by Thunder Dungeon Staff About the author

Thunder Dungeon Staff is the byline for galleries our team makes together, led by co-founders Roy R. and Phil M. We've been curating internet humor since 2012: finding the funniest memes, pictures and posts, crediting creators wherever we can, and adding our own take. Roy or Phil reviews every post before it goes live.

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