This country is finished, and I know that because I spent last night reading funny marketplace listings instead of sleeping. Every person in America now believes their garbage is a rare asset. I respect it. I once tried to sell a bathroom mirror with my entire apartment reflected in it, including a man who owes me money. Nobody bought it, but they did ask if he was available.
The cat has read the listing, and the cat disagrees.
Save
Hand carved, and by next Thursday, mostly liquid.
Save
Winter came, and it brought a markup.
Save
That's $27 for the scooter, and the rest is for the driver's therapy.
Save
Works great and turns on. So did the fire.
Save
Nature's been holding on to that since 1974, and she wants more than $300.
Save
This is a man renting out his own midlife crisis.
Save
Someday your grandchildren will ask what this was, and you'll charge them.
Save
Do not eat the peanut. It's an investment.
Save
My favorite sellers are the ones with total confidence and no product. There’s a person out there asking $10 for an extremely full ketchup packet, and that’s the American dream, somebody looking at a condiment and seeing a startup. I’ve scrolled funny Facebook marketplace for hours looking for one seller who sounds sorry, and I’ve never found one.
Then you’ve got the honest ones, who are somehow worse. Someone’s giving away shoes, warning you about the warts, and then telling you the rain took care of it. That’s more disclosure than I got from my last landlord. Funny Craigslist ads used to feel like the bottom, and then we gave everyone a phone and a burnt iPhone to sell. I bought a couch off one of these people, and I still don’t know what happened on it.
I think we love these because every listing is a small, doomed act of hope. Nobody posts a framed plastic bag unless somewhere in their heart they believe a stranger will see what they see. That’s more faith than I have in anything, including my own family. Those thrift store finds you’re hiding in the garage? Somebody’s ready to pay you for them.
Price is firm. Cash only. Don’t ask what happened.
30 Funny Facebook Marketplace Ads That Should Be Unlisted is right over here if you’re still browsing, and The Worst Thrift Store Finds Prove That One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Cursed Heirloom is what happens when nobody buys. No lowballs.
Read Memes.
Get Paid.
The only newsletter that pays you to read it.
A daily meme recap, and every week one subscriber gets paid.
How it worksWho needs to see this?
Send it to the friend who’ll laugh the hardest, or post it for everyone.
