Somewhere in the 1990s, a committee of men in fleece vests decided the inside of every car should look like a dentist’s waiting room, and nobody stopped them. I drive one, it’s gray, it beeps at me constantly, and it has never once offered me a velour couch. So forgive me for getting emotional over beautiful car interiors from back when people had courage, with plaid seats and carpet you could lose a shoe in. Look at what they took from us.
Ah yes, the living room package.
Save
Hold on, I'm getting a call from 1974.
Save
Wipe your feet. On the car.
Save
Dad's emergency kit, now with zero rummaging.
Save
Blanket seat, crate console, zero regrets.
Save
Designed by six-year-olds, approved immediately.
Save
Somebody's chauffeur is silently judging your crumbs.
Save
The van is also a cabin now.
Save
Green carpet, green dash, green seats, and probably green pants.
Save
Lumbar support, but make it an abacus.
Save
I’m convinced the plaid seat was a moral achievement. Retro car interiors treated fabric like a personality, and the custom car upholstery in here goes even further: checkerboard Porsche seats, a Persian rug laid wall to wall in a Mercedes, and one Jeep owner who simply installed a lawn and let flowers grow in it. That’s not a car. That’s a cottage with a transmission.
The rich had it even better, which, frankly, is a scandal. Classic cars from the chauffeur era came with burl wood tray tables, sheepskin rugs and a phone between the seats so a man could call his lawyer from the highway. My car has a cupholder that doesn’t fit a cup. Somewhere a guy is polishing the wooden dashboard of a VW bus with a cloth diaper, and he’s right to.
I think we love these because they remind us that cars used to be rooms. You ate in them, argued in them and took phone calls in them like a small-town mayor. Now they’re appliances that track your eyelids. Every restored velour bench is somebody refusing to let the fun get engineered out, and I respect every last one of them.
The velour is back. The plaid is undefeated. The beige SUV knows what it did.
If you want the other side of this coin, 30 Worst Car Mods That Made Me Feel Better About My Own Spoiler is the cautionary tale, and These Maximalist Interior Design Are For People Who Think Beige Is A Suggestion brings the same energy indoors. Bring your own velour.
Read Memes.
Get Paid.
The only newsletter that pays you to read it.
A daily meme recap, and every week one subscriber gets paid.
How it worksWho needs to see this?
Send it to the friend who’ll laugh the hardest, or post it for everyone.
