This week, a woman on Threads opened a page in her Amazon app and found out the store had filed a note about the shape of her backside under Product Preferences. Within hours the Amazon About You memes were everywhere, as people screenshotted the little cards where Amazon sums up who it thinks you are and roasted how confident it sounds.
Late Tuesday night, Justine Moore (@venturetwins) carried a batch of those Threads screenshots over to X, saying she was “crying of laughter,” and her replies turned into a confession booth. According to Amazon’s own guide to About You, the page is built from your purchase history, Alexa for Shopping chats, product reviews, Lists and searches, and you can edit or delete anything on it. In the app, tap the Me tab, then your name, then About You.
The Amazon About You Page Got Personal Fast
The best branch is the stuff no friend would ever say to your face. One shopper learned Amazon has them down as 5 feet tall and cuffing most pants, a detail they say they never typed anywhere. Another user is apparently too short to reach into a 40-inch box and, separately, not a big SpongeBob fan. If Amazon ever reads my receipts out loud, I am moving to the woods and paying cash for everything.
Some cards are so strange you have to put the phone down. Has never known anyone who lost a leg in an accident is a sentence I will be thinking about at 3 a.m., mostly because nobody can figure out which purchase taught it that.
The Machine Is Confidently Wrong
Remember, these are guesses built from shopping patterns, and plenty of them miss badly. @xwred5 had to clarify, for the record, that they have never owned a rabbit or a cafe. A parent who shares Amazon Music with the kids got a profile that includes a playlist name I will let you read for yourself. And somebody’s hobbies now include banging a sword on the ground to make music, which is either a glitch or the most metal profile on the site.
Some People Got Caught Red-Handed
The accurate ones might be worse. @IlyaAbyzov answered a card about a one-time specialty cheese exploration with a single word, Guilty, and I felt that in my bones. If Amazon summarized my grocery orders, the card would just say Has made many cheese explorations, none of them one-time.
Joel Grus stood proudly behind his completed toilet repair project, a new parent saw the last year of their life in a card about shifting from intellectual exploration to practical needs, and Moore admitted the portable cooling cards were spot on. Accuracy, it turns out, is the scariest setting.
Boring Has Never Been This Funny
Then there are the people who opened About You and got a shrug. One profile said, in full, Has an iPad. Another settled on Has at least 1 adult, which earned the reply that this is why RAM costs $1200, and a cat owner found out the entire file is just cat.
And sometimes the boring file swerves. Lisa’s listed a dog, then a fondness for dancing to Nine to Five by Dolly Parton, which is the most flattering thing anyone’s shopping history has ever said about them.
Somewhere, a card that says Buys feta in quantities that concern the household is already loading with my name on it.
Full confession: I opened my own About You page and closed it before it could finish loading. I recovered with The Comedy in the Amazon Review Section Is Officially Funnier Than Most Sitcoms Currently on the Air and then 34 Online Shopping Meme Moments We’ve All Lived, neither of which has an opinion about my cheese.
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Phil M., Co‑Founder & Content Strategist
Phil is one of Thunder Dungeon’s co‑founders, doubling as our resident meme analyst and dark‑room brainstormer. He specializes in trend‑spotting across social platforms and shapes the editorial calendar to keep our galleries fresh, topical, and worthy of your valuable procrastination.
