I have been on every dating app, and I need you to know that I’ve been on some of them twice, out of spite. Nobody warns you that swiping is the easy part. The hard part is the moment a stranger opens their mouth, digitally, and you realize you’re about to have a story. These funny dating app messages are what singles are dealing with out there, and honestly? Pull up a chair, because I am not alone and neither are you.
Autocorrect is a better wingman than most of us.
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The real red flag is how quickly he said yes.
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Just keep swiping.
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Downton Abbey has entered the chat.
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Sixteen pounds, the price of a dream.
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Skincare routine: vengeance and SPF.
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Unsolicited advice from the dating app expert.
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Self awareness, level: dwarf planet.
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Application fee: five dollars, nonrefundable.
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Finally, a catfish that's upfront about it.
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The peace sign did all the talking.
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Interviewing a wall would go better.
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Physical therapy for emotional labor.
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Sarcasm sold separately.
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HGTV would like a word.
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Soulmates, confirmed by Star Wars.
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Each one was its own notification, too.
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Meet cute, or meet bumper.
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Philosophy degree finally paid off.
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The gym was never loyal anyway.
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Swipe right for a two bedroom.
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Max is the real player here.
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He answered the question. That was the problem.
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Too direct. Noted. Goodbye.
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Spencer has priorities.
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Some matches come with a back story.
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Finally, an honest profile.
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Reverse image search: still undefeated.
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The sitcom wars have begun.
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Funny dating app messages
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First of all, the profiles: a profile is supposed to be your best foot forward, and some people are forward footing so hard they fall down the stairs. One guy describes himself as small and round like Pluto, distant and cold, and you know what? Respect, because he knows exactly who he is. Another profile asks for a minivan, a six figure salary, and five dollars on Venmo just to be considered. That’s not a dating profile, that’s a job posting with a cover charge, and it’s the kind of thing that makes tinder fails look tame.
Then there’s the chat, where everything goes sideways in under a minute. I love the people who take one tiny thing and run a marathon with it. Somebody’s match casually invites them to a cult sacrifice, and their only follow up question is whether they’re the one being sacrificed. Somebody else turns a gym excuse into a whole breakup with the gym. These funny tinder conversations prove that the best flirting is just two weirdos agreeing to be weird together.
And of course, the dating app horror stories, which I collect like stamps. A guy accuses his match of treating him like an ATM because she wanted the comfy seats at the movies, which cost about sixteen bucks. Another match apologizes in roughly forty separate messages. I once got unmatched for saying I liked pineapple on pizza, so believe me, the bar is underground and somehow people are still tripping over it.
Why do we screenshot all this and send it to the group chat? Because dating is lonely, and laughing about it together is the cure. Every single person in here has had a match vanish, a conversation die, or a stranger tell them they’re out of their league. Seeing somebody else survive it, and get a killer joke out of it, is how we keep going.
And here’s the sweet part, which I’ll say quietly so nobody gets ideas: some of these are actually adorable. The solipsism pickup line worked. The General Kenobi reply was a perfect handshake between two nerds. Under all the chaos, people are still out here trying, still hoping the next message is the good one. That’s kind of beautiful, if you squint and don’t read the one about the catfish.
Swipe right. Type weird. Screenshot everything.
If you’ve still got some swiping energy left, the site has plenty more romance to cringe at. Read our collection of dating app red flags, then scroll through funny dating profiles that chose memorable over attractive. The dating app memes and convos gallery is a whole season of television, and the cuffing season memes are perfect for anyone currently panicking with candles. Our comment threads are full of worse stories. Go on, your matches can wait.
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