I love Halloween because it is the one month a year my personality counts as seasonal. In July, a guy who laughs at a tombstone is a concern, and in October he is festive. So I wait all year for dark halloween memes the way other people wait for pumpkin coffee, except nobody in my family has ever asked a worried follow-up question about coffee. I went through a very large pile of them so you would not have to feel bad alone. Scroll down, and keep a light on if that helps.
If you get this one, drink some water.
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The third one is the only one having a good night.
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Good morning to the neighbors, I guess.
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I know which one I'd rather sit next to.
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Estate sale. Three dollars. Haunted.
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He's trying. Look at him trying.
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No seat belt. Nothing left to lose.
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Oh yeah. Oh no.
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It has seen something it can't unsee.
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The birds are a personal attack.
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Low budget, high concept.
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He seems quiet. I like that.
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The scariest thing from 1997.
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Cursive was a mistake.
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Terrifying. Ten out of ten. I'm shaking.
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He's smiling. He hasn't done the math yet.
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Read the room. Literally.
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HR saw the first one. That's the point.
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At least you're the one with steady work.
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This aged like the milk in my fridge that year.
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Came as myself. Won best zombie.
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That pumpkin is having a big week online.
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Some things are worth dying for.
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The HOA had notes but kept them quiet.
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The twelve foot skeleton is an investment.
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Me in the seasonal aisle on August 3rd.
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Somebody check on him.
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You heard it. Don't lie.
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Nobody ever asks the holiday how it's doing.
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The boys showed up. That's the whole thing.
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Dark halloween memes
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Here is my problem with horror movie memes: I end up rooting for the killer. Put a hockey mask on a man, tell me his big day got overshadowed, and suddenly I am the one saying somebody should check on him. I have never once felt that way about a coworker’s birthday. A slasher standing alone in a yard is more relatable than most people I follow, and that is not a compliment to anyone involved.
The spooky season memes that get me the worst are the tired ones. A rotting pumpkin with a rough year behind it. A skeleton who needed a drink. Every October I buy decorations I cannot afford and put them up with the energy of a man hanging his own wanted posters, and then a collapsed gourd on a windowsill tells me more about my year than my doctor did.
And then there are the crafts, which is where funny halloween memes go to become evidence. Someone glues teeth to a pumpkin with good intentions and creates a face that has clearly witnessed a crime. I respect it, because I once carved a jack-o’-lantern so badly that a neighbor asked if we were okay. We were not. The pumpkin was the least of it.
The trick to dark humor is that it is not really about the dark part. Anybody can be grim. The job is to stand next to the worst thing in the room and notice that it is wearing a silly hat. Halloween is the one holiday built entirely around that move: we take death, the single thing nobody gets out of, and we make it out of foam and put it on the lawn next to an inflatable cat.
I find that weirdly kind. A whole neighborhood agrees, for one month, to laugh at the stuff that scares us the rest of the year, and then hands candy to children about it. I am not a warm person, and I have been told this by people who love me. But I will stand on a porch in the cold and give a small skeleton a full sized candy bar, because that kid and I both know what we are doing here.
The lawn is haunted. The budget is dead. The candy is mine.
If your soul is still holding up, there is more. The dark humor memes are open year round for people who do not need a holiday as an excuse, and the horror movie memes will keep you company while you yell at the screen. After that, try the vampire memes, the spooky memes, or the pumpkin carvings made by people with far steadier hands than mine. Take your time. Nothing down there is going anywhere.
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