35 Savage Roasts And Funny Insults That Left No Survivors

Updated on December 26, 2025

I was peacefully sipping something festive when I made the mistake of reading a comment section out loud. Now I’m in recovery, and the only treatment is savage roasts—because the internet doesn’t do “gentle feedback,” it does a full send with spellcheck and references.

There’s something about the holiday stretch that turns everyone feral. Maybe it’s family time. Maybe it’s too much sugar. Either way, these savage roasts are basically roast jokes in screenshot form, plus a few funny insults that feel like they came with a warning label. Think Reddit energy, but with more specificity and less mercy.

35 Savage Roasts For When Someone Asked To Be Cooked

The Armenian arm hair + Christian Bale Machinist combo is a prime example of the internet’s gift: oddly specific cruelty. Two references, one punch, and now you can’t unsee it. That’s the power of a well-built roast.

The man-boobs “my eyes are up here” flip is simpler, but it lands because it’s fast. No set-up. Just immediate reversal. Savage roasts don’t always need poetry. Sometimes they just need timing.

“Lex Loser” is also perfect because it’s one syllable away from a supervillain and somehow becomes worse. It’s the kind of funny insult that lives rent-free forever, which is rude, but efficient.

Then we get the Amish boogeyman beard savage roast, which is so niche it loops back around to impressive. It’s like the commenter had a whole internal cinematic universe ready to deploy at any moment.

The apple-through-a-picket-fence teeth roast is a classic for a reason. It’s old school, but still sharp. And the “mother of many, custody of none” line is one of those roast jokes that makes you wince first, then laugh because your body needs to process the shock.

“Resting NPR face” might be my favorite because it’s quiet violence. It doesn’t scream. It calmly implies you look like you’re about to discuss municipal bonds. That’s art.

The “you’d be attractive if you looked completely different” roast is brutal honesty with zero garnish. Same with telling the flexing guy to use his beard to cover more of his face—ignoring the muscles entirely is the meanest part.

And the Lindsay Lohan stretched over Van Damme’s skull description? That’s not even an insult, that’s a forensic reconstruction. Savage roasts like this are why you never ask strangers for feedback unless you’re emotionally armored.

If you want more controlled chaos like these savage roasts, hit 38 Funny Jokes That Should Come With A Helmet, 25 Funny Insults For People Who Can Take It, and 40 Savage Comebacks That End Conversations.

Laura Bennett writes like a cozy friend who still screenshotted the comment for evidence—warm delivery, sharp edges, and a firm belief in punchlines over pettiness.