Look, I am a simple man. I see a gumball machine labeled Chocolate Copycats and I have to ask: who is buying this? These crappy off brands are the absolute height of audacity. You have beauty bars named Dave and shoes telling you to just go. It is like the people making these products have never seen a trademark lawyer in their life. It is a masterpiece of almost right marketing that makes me want to scream into a paper bag for twenty minutes.

Crappy off brands

I am staring at a red glove named Mike and I am wondering if Mike knows his logo looks remarkably like a multi-billion dollar athletic company. This is the name game at its most dangerous level. You have knock off products everywhere, from Henz ketchup to Shh lemon lime soda. It is like they are whispering the copyright infringement directly into your ear. These funny packaging choices are a testament to the close enough mentality that governs the dollar store aisles. Why would you visit a global pizza giant when Adomino Pizza and Pizza Hot are right next to each other on the street? It is a budget fails paradise. I especially love the Sweep robot vacuum which is literally just a plastic shell with nothing inside. That is the ultimate expectation versus reality disappointment. It is a literal hollow shell of a product, yet someone had the nerve to put it on a shelf and put a price tag on it. We are seeing trademark-skirting creativity that belongs in a museum of regrets. Whether it is the Supreme parody bags that reveal a surprise or an outdoor jacket from The Huge Mountain, the audacity is the point. Who exactly is Dave and why is he making beauty cream bars? These are the questions that keep me awake at night while I am looking at black rubber slides telling me to just go.

The Surprise Supreme bags are probably the most self-aware entry in this entire gallery. At least they have a sense of humor about their own existence. We celebrate these crappy off brands because they represent a world where logic is a luxury we can no longer afford. We are all just one letter away from being a different person or a different brand. If you are willing to wash your face with a bar of Dave, then you are a braver soul than I am. Just try not to trip in your Nice sandals on the way to the Adomino.

If you have a taste for the budget-friendly and the bizarre, you should check out some grocery store fails, terrible DIY tips, or maybe some classic fashion mistakes. There is a whole world of “almost right” products out there waiting to be discovered. Just make sure you read the label twice before you buy a bottle of Henz for your next barbecue.