34 Funny Comebacks and the Best Sassiest Responses People Have Heard

Roy

2 years ago

Buckle up for a journey through the snark-infested battlegrounds of witty comebacks! This article isn't just a showcase; it's a collection of sharp retorts and clever comebacks that redefine the term "quick-witted." The internet's ablaze with these one-liners and retorts, serving up a dish of laughter mixed with a dash of self-deprecation. Get ready for a dose of sarcastic hilarity and snark that could deflate the biggest egos!

funny comebacks
funny comebacks Brother was being an as . Mom called him a son of a. He replied "Can't argue with you there." It took a few seconds, but Mom got piiiiiiilled.
funny comebacks It was an accident, but my friend fi up a standard greeting when he met his girlfriend's coworker and said "Oh, hi! I've heard all but good things about you!" She didn't notice. I've been dying to use this ever since.
funny comebacks mean but unintentionally smart-funny. Mr Hyrka was a grumpy art teacher in my junior high that had a wooden leg. One day this Russian student Igor who spoke very broken English was telling a story about how he'd spent hours the night before working on his painting, only to have his younger sister finger paint over it while he was away, so he didn't have it. Mr Hyrka said "You're pulling my leg Igor." He paused for a second, and said "Oh no I wouldn't do that Mr Hyrka... it would fall off " The class erupted, and IIRC he got a few days of detention for that.
funny comebacks Sometimes I like to tell people "I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are" and then watch their face as they reason through whether I'm giving them a compliment or insulting them.
funny comebacks Angry Security Guard: "Are you getting smart with me?" My friend: "As if you'd know."
funny comebacks This isn't the funniest but it was really recent one. I was playing Rock of Ages and cursing at my mammoths to knock the other guy's boulder off the edge. Friend: "If you keep treating your mammoths so badly they're just going to leave you." Me: "That shouldn't be a problem, I didn't name any of them [his ex-girlfriend's namel." He demanded an apology written in cursive.
funny comebacks Oh last year I was working as a teacher in our preschool classroom and this little boy is telling a story (of which I can't entirely remember but wasn't altogether daycare appropriate) and my co-teacher says, "EXCUSE ME?!?" and the little boy replies, "Excuse me! Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" To this day it still makes me laugh!
funny comebacks Dad: "What's the passcode to your iphone?" Mom: "The year I was born." Dad: "I don't see a B.C. anywhere."
funny comebacks Guy in Jack in the Box: " the police." Random bystander: "Yeah man, Sting's solo work is way better."
funny comebacks The reply of Messi to Ronaldo's comments: Ronaldo told the media that he was sent by the God of football (soccer that is) to teach people how to play. After being hassled by the Press Messi immediately replies, "I don't remember sending him." To this day in the debate as to who is the current greatest footballer I bring up this line.
funny comebacks A few years ago I was out with a friend and we were enjoying ourselves except for this one drunk guy who wouldn't leave us alone. Interrupting conversations, being too touchy, etc just being obnoxious and it was just obvious we were not interested but he wasn't taking the hint.
funny comebacks We think he's finally gone and my friend goes to light up her cigarette and he appears out of nowhere, like a godd magician and holds a lighter up to her face (in an effort to light a cigarette that wasn't there yet) and he says: "Bond, James Bond". Cool as an arctic cucumber my friend just lit her cigarette, took a drag and said "off, off" • To this day I've never seem anything cooler.
funny comebacks "Nothing but net!" during a volleyball game that was played by very untalented people.
funny comebacks English teacher explaining to class how double-negative statements form a positive statement and goes on to say that while two negatives make a positive, two positives can never make a negative. Student at the back of the class immediately responds, "Yeah, right".
funny comebacks A guy in my platoon was having a birthday at his house and all the guys came over. I had to leave early to go over to a lady friend's house and my Platoon Sergeant yells over to me "Berg426 where you going? I know you ain't got no date tonight!" Without missing a beat I say "Is that because your wife is here tonight, Sergeant?" He's now my first sergeant. Haha
funny comebacks At Phillies game during the 7th inning stretch. Got a dog and brew, so I was at the condiment table getting some mustard. Standing next to me is a guy with a pulled pork sandwich. Enter drunk dude: Drunk: "Man, that sloppy joe looks soooo good." Guy: "It's pulled pork you uncultured , 11 Said it so nonchalantly and just walked away.
funny comebacks "You have a nice day at school Thomas!" "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO MOM"
funny comebacks My girlfriend was introduced by her boss to a colleague. The colleague said "I hear you can walk on water." My GF: "Only if its cold enough."
funny comebacks Guy on park bench: Run, Forrest, run! Jogger: SIT, FAT
funny comebacks I used to work at an ice cream shop, and a guy ordered two sundaes: one was vanilla with chocolate syrup, and another was coconut with hot fudge. I gave him his sundaes, rang him up, and he roared back, "you didn't mark these, how do I know which one is hot fudge?!", and I just replied, "the one that's hot"…..my boss died on the floor laughing because of my nonchalantness

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Those 34 funny comebacks were pure verbal gymnastics! From the comment sections to overheard conversations, these snappy rejoinders hit harder than a punchline in a comedy club. The internet's love for these witty comebacks isn't just about roasting; it's a celebration of sharp minds and snappy tongues. As we bid adieu to this sassy parade, remember, a well-timed comeback is a weapon wielded by the clever and the quick!

Roy

Roy R., Chief Meme Curator Roy founded Thunder Dungeon in 2012 and has since guided its growth into a 2.5 million‑strong community of meme enthusiasts. With over a decade of digital‑media experience and a nose for viral humor, Roy oversees content strategy, ensuring every post is both hilarious and high‑quality

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