31 Funny Marriage Tweets From Those Partners Who Are in It for the Long Haul

Roy

3 years ago

DATING: Goodnight ENGAGED: Sweet dreams MARRIED: Is the car locked?

DATING: Goodnight ENGAGED: Sweet dreams MARRIED: Is the car locked?

I love when my husband says, "correct me if l'm wrong," like I would pass up that opportunity.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who told you exactly where something is but now has to get it herself because you couldn't find it.

Been listening to my wife talk about her work drama and I'm trying to think of the best way to let her know I love her but I think I'm on Denise's side on this one.

My husband listens to me like he doesn't realize there's going to be a quiz later.

Marriage is amazing because you learn lots of things about yourself. For example, today I learned that my favorite shade of beige curtains is I DON'T CARE PLEASE JUST PICK ONE I'M IN HELL

The audacity of my husband not understanding exactly what I'm talking about when I start my sentence halfway through a thought

Imagine dating, falling in love, getting married, having kids, and only then realizing that the person you chose is literally incapable of whispering

The audacity of my husband not understanding exactly what I'm talking about when I start my sentence halfway through a thought

Marriage is 33.7% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

My husband decided to learn Moonlight Sonata on the piano and he's been playing it nonstop for over two hours now. I think this is how true crime novels begin.

My wife has this cute way of saying I need to do something by saying we need to do something.

I'm your wife. You might remember me from such hits as "We are leaving in two minutes" and its sequel "Why are you in the shower?"

So i just learned after 27 years of "umm...sure i guess so, yeah but the other one looked nice too" i have been fired as my wife's fashion consultant and my daughter now has that job

Asked my husband if he'd put air in my tire and he started explaining how to do it like he's never been married to me before.

marriage is between two people, one who falls asleep with TV volume on low and one who wants it blaringly loud

Behind every great man is a better woman, just don't tell his wife

My husband misses a lot of really good conversations I have with him in my head.

IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this tv stand?

Apparently after your wife finishes a pint of ice cream the correct response is not "holy shit I've never been able to finish a whole pint".

Married couples be like I'm gonna tolerate the shit out of you tonight

Hope my marriage can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.

Husband: What should we do today? Me: It's up to you. Husband: Beach? Me: No. Husband: Movie? Me: No. Husband: Museum? Me: No. Husband: Then what do you want to do? Me: I don't care. You choose.

My wife can make "Can you come in here please?" sound absolutely terrifying.

Netflix needs a Movies Your Husband Will Fall Asleep To So You Can Watch The Lindsay Lohan Christmas Movie category.

Me: Which ones do you think will make me jump higher? Wife: OMG you're 44 years old, just pick a pair of shoes already.

Marriage can be such a rollercoaster. One minute you're reminiscing over your wedding photos and the next you're asking your partner to please breathe more quietly.

What do you say when you apologize to your wife and she asks, "for what"

I once showed my husband a tweet and he read it out loud starting with the person's username and date it was tweeted and I've never really recovered from that.

Roy

Roy R., Chief Meme Curator Roy founded Thunder Dungeon in 2012 and has since guided its growth into a 2.5 million‑strong community of meme enthusiasts. With over a decade of digital‑media experience and a nose for viral humor, Roy oversees content strategy, ensuring every post is both hilarious and high‑quality